Stay Off Grass!

I woke up today to find those damn neighborhood kids trampling all over my lawn again. Filled with rage, I tried to devise a plan to get rid of them once and for all. First I ran outside waving a broom, threatening to hit them with it. Those damn kids just stood there and started laughing at me. So I went back inside to devise a new plan. I opened up a can of cat food and threw it at those damn kids hoping that my legion of 47 cats would attack. Unfortunately, I could not properly communicate my plan to the cats and they just meandered around the yard eating the food. By now I was steaming mad and determined to get those damn kids off my lawn. I went back inside and devised my most evil and clever plan yet. In fact it worked so well I'm not going to share my secret with all you damn people but I will tell you what it involved. First I grabbed my collection of various lengths of string that I've been collecting since 1933. Then I went into my laundry-pantry-den and picked up a basket of clothes-food-note pins. To round it all off I grabbed 12 marbles, 2 dozen refrigerator magnets and my prized jar of things that fell off my body. My plan worked perfectly and I stood there enthralled as those damn kids turned as white as ghosts and took off running. I won't see those damn kids again.