Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Cock Soccer

In the photo above you can see Colonel Crispy Strips to the left and on the right is my good pal Jonathan Tender Roast. These two soccer cocks have shown exceptional skills on and off the field which will hopefully lead them to the World Cup championship of cock soccer versus the Guatemalan team who have had the best cocks in the world for the past 4 years in a row. I suppose you may be wondering how I happened upon such skilled cocks. Well, it is actually a somewhat interesting story that begins in Amish country.

I was rolling around rural central Ohio taking some photographs and looking for something to eat when I came across a sign that advertised delicious and highly skilled cocks for sale. I decided to stop and see what this was all about. When I got out of my car I was approached by what I would call the equivalent of a street thug in Amish country. He was wearing a black robe and standing in the shadows of a buggy. I was a bit weary but decided that I absolutely needed to find out more about these cocks.

I ended walking away with the two best cock soccer players in all of Amish country and I have to say I was quite pleased with myself. The man had told me about the rigorous and extensive training that these particular cocks must go through. First they began with a steady diet of cock and only cock so that they have the essential blood thirst needed to play the game. After this phase, the cocks are sent to play with the best Amish soccer cocks until they have mastered the necessary skills to compete on a worldwide level. Lastly, they are sent to the slaughterhouse where they witness the atrocities that occur there and instill just the right amount of hate into the cocks. At this point, they are certified to be the best cock soccers in the world. It really is too bad that I got bored with the whole cock soccer thing and ended up eating those cocks. The sign was right though because those were definitely the best two cocks that I have ever had in my life.